Reminisce
by CloZack PASSION
Summary: [[ZackxCloud Oneshot]]  Even when you forgot...I was always there.      Cloud quite enjoys this part of insanity. Pity it seems there may be more to it.   T for mild language


((Random post-AC angst. This is really the sort of stuff I used to write all the time. So depressing, though, that I gave it up when I switched fandoms from CloTi to CloZack. Gosh, if it isn't hard, though... such a tragic couple. D Zaaaack... Also, I'm using Aerith instead of Aeris. It bothers me, 'cause I'm 'merican, but I don't wanna get yelled at any more. ;3;))

_"I thought you had gotten over this by now." _In all honesty, Cloud was only vaguely surprised to hear his friend's voice. Nonetheless, it was a sound that made his heart thud rapidly against his ribs and his palms sweat as his face warmed. He was going insane...or maybe he was already there. He couldn't complain, though, that even in his insanity he hadn't lost this memory again. He could hear perfectly the voice of his love, smell that familiar fragrance that he held, and get that same overly-excited, giddy feeling at his presence.

"Gotten over you? Not likely." the spiky-haired man replied, not turning to face the source of the voice. He was perfectly content to sit there in the dirt, propping himself up against the rusting broadsword, looking over at what remained of that damned city. Was it so wrong that parts of him were utterly thrilled that it wasn't there any more? That no longer could the sight of the city from these cliffs remind him of the salvation he cost his friend- his love?

_"Do you need me to say it, too?" _The apparition took a seat next to Cloud, sending a chill through the blond's hand as his own ghostly palm clamped over it.

"Say what?" Certainly, he'd lost his mind. Here he was, at the point of his best firend's demise, speaking to just that one who died here years ago. If it brought Zack back to him, though, Cloud couldn't really say he minded insanity one bit.

"_That what happened was never your fault." _If this was all in his mind, Cloud wished he could've added a lively warmth to Zack's fingers as they traced across his cheek. As it was, the were cold and dry, lacking that vital energy that had soaked into this ground.

"At least with Aerith, it could be rationalized," Cloud returned with a low huff and a smirk, "...she was doing...what she had to do. I think the end result would've been the same...whether I was there or not." That's what everyone had told him, at least. There was nothing he could've done to stop it, and that he should at least be thankful that he had the self-control not to carry out the deed himself. Cloud wasn't sure exactly when he started believing those words, or even if he fully did. Repeating them to himself seemed to be the only way he could cleanse the guilt, though. He not only as good as killed his best friend, but the guy's girlfriend as well.

"_...and I was doing what I had to do. Why can't you accept that?" _How strange it was, arguing with a ghost. The hurt in his voice stung Cloud deeply. He would have been perfectly fine silently hating himself, blaming himself for it all- he deserved it, after all...but even in death, Zack would never allow it. Why the hell did he have to be so damn good?

"You had to escape. You wouldn't have had any problem doing that if you would've just left me behind." Reluctantly, afraid to break his mind's spell, the blond turned to look at his friend. The man was never so pale in life, and the eyes that looked back into his lost that glow- the unnatural taint of mako combined with the lively spark. Despite the fact that this replica was technically accurate, the ghost of an old friend was really no replacement for the real thing- it was a ghost, and that was the only way to describe it.

"_Do you really think so little of me?" _the response simultaneously confused and frustrated Cloud. What was he talking about? Of course, this could have been the type of response he would have expected from the man. He watched as the ghostly face feigned hurt before his voice continued, _"Even if I could have escaped had I left you behind... I'd never have been able to live with myself for it. I'm not heartless."_

Obviously not. Zack was, in fact, quite the opposite. Never before, or since, had Cloud met someone just so kind...so genuinely caring towards other people as Zack was. That was probably what confused him most about the guy. Someone so loving and seemingly gentle could go to work every day at a company that paid him to kill. Cloud couldn't help but wonder how he lived with _that_ idea, day after day.

"You could've gone home to Aerith," Cloud suggested, watching as an icy thumb brushed soothingly across his knuckles, "...you would've been able to escape them without me holding you back. And the two of you would be hap-"

"_Stop that." _the cold hand gripped around Cloud's again, and those hollow eyes stared into his, _"I don't even know where to __**start **__with you on that!" _even the Zack in his mind couldn't stop from getting on him about that attitude.

"_To start with, you're going against what we both know. No matter how it would've happened, it was her destiny to do what she did. After what it gave everyone, I can't believe you'd play it down so easily." _Cloud wondered how what appeared to be an empty shell could give off such intense emotion. _"Second, yeah, she was my friend. We dated for a while. How the hell does that give her priority? Third-"_

"You loved her." it was Cloud who interrupted this time, smirking at the shock this statement brought to his deceased friend's face. A mask of frustration passed next, as Zack considered his words. No, as Cloud considered Zack's words, the young warrior had to remind himself. None of this was real. Zack was dead. It wasn't the first time he'd seen the man...heard his voice... felt his presence, somehow guiding him. Really, though, it was no different than the illusions when he believed he _was _the very man... right? Damned if it didn't feel real, though.

"_You say that as though she was the only one I ever loved." _the raven-haired man responded after a long pause, thinking over the rest of his words carefully before letting them escape his lips, _"Or that I loved her as much, or in even nearly the same way as I love you."_

Most certainly not real. The conclusion was much easier to live with now that Zack voiced exactly what Cloud hoped to hear. Regardless, his cheeks warmed and went a dark shade of pink as icy lips pressed to one.

"You shouldn't be gone." it was hard for Cloud to keep his voice from turning to a whimper. He was already choking the words out over tears, brought on far too suddenly and easily for his tastes. It was so much easier to keep his composure in front of Tifa or Marlene and Denzel or anyone other than Zack. Well, other than himself.

"_I'm not." _It was an odd sensation to feel words in your ear but not a breath to carry them. Cloud set that peculiarity aside as he felt those painfully cool fingers wipe away the tears from his cheeks, _"Even when you forgot...I was here all along."_

It was the truth, though, wasn't it? Even before he knew who it was... _what _it was, he knew he was feeling something edging him on. How many times would he have been perfectly content to give up through his ordeal with Sephiroth? Even before then, what was it that kept him from letting himself slip away completely when the mako clouded his thoughts so completely he could hardly make sense of himself? Surely he knew the risks when they were making their escape. Just as the prospect of death didn't stop Zack, neither did death itself.

"You know what I mean." Cloud finally whispered roughly, trying to clear the lump from his throat. How embarrassing. He was making a fool of himself in front of Zack again, even if it was only his recollections and insanity producing the man.

"_Can we just call it a fair trade?" _The smile wasn't as comforting as it used to be. It was those damn empty eyes that ruined it for Cloud. If he was playing make-believe, why couldn't he make believe that familiar light?

"You..._did _get your dream in the end." Cloud admitted softly, staring towards the heavens. If anything at all could ease the sting in Cloud's heart, it was that fact. Zack always wanted to be a hero, and what was more heroic than giving your life for someone else?

"_What about you? Have you gotten yours yet?" _The man was toying with him. Even hallucination Zack had quite the ego to feed.

"I should've been more specific when I asked for someone to love." A smirk crossed the warrior's lips, "it was supposed to make me happy."

"_Are you saying you wish you didn't love me?" _The hurt didn't look so false this time, though just as eerie with those dead eyes.

"I'm saying... I wish I could have you back. I wanted to say it when you were here." Zack, the real Zack, who existed somewhere in the lifestream, far away from this point, would never get to hear that. Of course dream Zack was aware...and not only did he know of Cloud's love, but reciprocated it fully. At least in his dreams, Cloud could have the perfect love.

"_I... wish I would've said something, too..." _

"Can you tell me now?" Cloud turned his head to look at Zack again, watching as the apparition stood, extending a hand to his friend, signaling for him to stand. Cloud obeyed, cold drops of rain beginning to fall as he did. There the two stood for what seemed like an eternity as the rain began to fall. Hadn't they been there before? He should've said it then. What difference was it if he said it to himself now?

"_Cloud, I love you."_

"Cloud!" it felt much like being punched harshly in the stomach when the young man heard his name called by someone in the distance. He turned his head to see Tifa approaching, then stopping rather suddenly, an unreadable emotion in her eyes. His face turned to look at Zack again.

"Zack, I..."

"_My cue to go."_ usually, the vision would have been gone the moment Tifa made her presence known. This time was different, though, and before the dead SOLDIER disappeared this time, he pressed those ghostly lips to Cloud's, sending a harsh chill through the man's body.

"...Cloud..." Tifa's voice trembled as she spoke, walking closer to him so slowly. Her eyes were huge, even more so than usual, and the look in her eyes was something Cloud hadn't seen before... somewhere in between fear and disbelief.

"Tifa...you look like you've just seen a ghost." Cloud snickered to himself at the observation, though the wistful smile left his lips as she responded;

"Didn't you?"


End file.
